The Sex Diary of a
Vol. 6 Chapter X
My social conditions. • Dainty whoremongering. • Difficulties in selection of women. • Eccentric fucking attitudes. • Writing my narrative. • The uniformity of fucking. • A peep over folding doors. • Amorous Americans. • The swain's lecture. • An obstructive table. • The lady's legs. • The swain's prick. • An inquisitive look. • I hear but see not. • Sobs and tears. • Momentary nudity. • Next day's repetition. • Conjectures. • A semi-eastern harem. • Beautiful courtezans. • A beauty selected. • "I've no hair there." • Other beautifuls. • A noisy neighbour. • Male inspection of male erection. • England again. • Many expensive mercenaries.
Under changed social conditions I now travelled, I was free from care, had plenty of money (tho getting rid of it fast), and altogether it was a happy time. I raced about Europe for two or three months, and had constant change of scene. When I got to a town, I sought the best brothels, and with my physique in first rate condition, revelled in female charms. After perhaps a week abstinence, that time spent in comfortable travel, how instantaneous my selection of the woman, with what burning lust I clutched my woman when I got her, how rapid my thrusts, how maddening in its ecstasy, as my prick throbbed, and the hot thick sperm gushed up her cunt copiously as ever. Indeed, some-times I think more copiously than it ever did, but that is improbable.
Yet I gratified my sense of beauty largely. Some-times when I had fucked a woman, chosen in hot haste, I could scarcely tell why, I again had the women of the house exhibited to me, and selected another for the second libation of my prick. More frequently tho, the first one had my second emission. Then cooled, I left; and waited till the next day, before I had further sexual enjoyment.
Then I had at times woman after woman to look at, dressed, half-dressed, or naked to my eyes, so that I might judge fully of their charms before selecting one for my sexual homage. Then I began to have two at a time, and sometimes three even, in the chamber with me. There, at my leisure, and without observation but that of my Paphian divinities, I could place them in every attitude, and see every perfection, before I chose the one to fuck. I had modes of payment of my own, would give half fees to those whose cunts I had only looked at or felt, and full fee to her whom I spermatized, and so on. At some places they would not agree to this, at some they would.
This contemplation of female charms makes me think I am like Paris, when selecting a Goddess for the golden apple, and I wonder if he made a mistake. I often do, and get so bewildered in my choice, that I do not know which to take. This one has such a lovely backside, but has hanging breasts. That one has too much hair on her cunt, and her nymphae hang out too much, but she is otherwise beautiful. That one has a lovely face, but too light a hair on her cunt, and her legs are thin. So I inspected and thought, till my prick would wait no longer, and urged me to let it taste its pleasure. Then when it left their cunts, how different some ladies looked to me, to what they had before. Surely a prick stiff and throbbing, and a prick flabby, affect the powers of imagination very differently.
But it was very charming always. At times I paid the full fees for a trio, and placed them as I have seen in engravings, and I invented myself combinations quite as beautiful and exciting. — I discover now, that I have as fertile a fancy as erotic artists, and moreover begin to delight in fucking, in different and oftentimes difficult postures. Postures which give not the voluptuous ease when the prick is in the woman, which the old fashioned way of belly to belly, or belly to backside give, but which nevertheless fire me with a sensation of intense lust, and fill my imagination with ideals of voluptuousness.
During this time I travelled alone, and had no one to interrupt me, or to make demands upon my time for companionship, and so I could arrange my erotic intentions beforehand and surely carry them out. In the intervals of my enjoyment of female society, I amused myself by making notes, or writing the narratives fully. [This I find now by rough perusal of manuscript not yet touched, has a freshness which is not in some of that revised, and which I think I have already said else-where, was written out from memoranda (memoranda very copious it is true) many years after and I had at the end of two years a very large mass of manuscript, mostly relating to my frolics with professed Paphians. This I largely abbreviated soon after, and shall do so, still more now. This following paragraph I leave exactly as I then wrote it.]
On perusal I find I think much repetition, much which must have been written elsewhere, tho where, and when, I cannot recollect. Even with my good memory, I cannot at once bring to my mind what I have written in a narrative of the amours of nearly twenty-five years. But I shorten it. The roads to copulation are like the act, very much the same every-where. Prince and beggar do it the same way. A policeman thrusts and wriggles his prick like a Duke. A milkmaid heaves her buttocks and tightens her cunt like a Duchess. It will be wearisome to tell how I tailed Mary one night, if I have told that I did it the same way to Fanny the night before. Yet when I had women I mostly wrote about my doings with them at great length, described in detail as well as I could our voluptuous movements, and the sensuous ideas which rushed through my brain as I fucked then. That writing in-deed completed my enjoyment then. Now my pen may run through the greater part of it.
What is a little odd, is that I got few chances of seeing thro key and spyholes, much worth recording. Perhaps that may be in a degree attributable to spending so much of my time with harlots, and when at my hotel, being usually very tired, and recruiting by repose for my next orgie. Yet I saw one or two pretty sights.
At * * * * *, after a mid-day meal, I heard a male and female voice in the chamber adjoining, which was connected with mine by folding doors. I had only arrived there that morning. I looked for a peep hole but saw none. A big chest of drawers was placed across the door, obscuring the key hole. It was empty, yet with much difficulty I moved it aside, and then found that a piece of furniture was placed in a similar way on the other side. Balked, I looked for my gimlet and couldn't find it. Then I noticed that the doors, very badly made as they usually are abroad, did not shut into a recess, but folded on my side against the architrave or top framework (I expect there were also folding doors on the other side, but if so they were open), and did not at the top appear to fold close owing to their having warped. I mounted the drawers, but was then not tall enough, so putting one of my trunks on them I mounted that, and then thro a long chink at the top, saw half over the room, which was like mine, an unusually large one; for the hotel was not of modern build. [This took place quite twenty-five years ago.]
There opposite to me on a large sofa, sat a man and woman. He with his arm round her waist, and his head on her shoulder. She was sitting and quite pensively looking down, and listening attentively to all he was telling her. She looked about twenty, he about twenty-five years of age, and they were Americans. Every-thing was quite quiet, and I heard word by word nearly everything he said to her. — She scarcely uttered a word in return, and was absorbed in listening.
He was telling her the whole process of conception as he understood it, how the female got impregnated, and how an unwelcome foetus could be got rid of. What he said indeed was in some respects new even to me — al-tho it is a subject on which I don't think I am quite ignorant. Every now and then, she turned her head round towards his, and said something which I could not catch, it was said in so low a tone, and then resumed her pensive look on the floor. — When she made a remark — he said "Yes," or "no — poor dear," — and kissed her. — I had seen neither of them before, and did not know what relation they bore to each other. I first thought when I peeped, that they were a newly married couple. Then from some remarks, that they had been illicitly fucking, or as I suppose it would be said, that he had seduced her
He must have talked on this subject I think some-thing like half an hour, and in a tone as monotonous as that of a lecturer on science — he never raised his voice a bit, was in no respect excited, but went on speaking with the American nasal accent. Then somehow I fancied he had got her in the family way, for his remarks, were interlarded with "you." Then he took to kissing her, and then gently he put his hands up under her clothes, and I heard him say "cunt."
But in front of the sofa was a table, which partly hid his middle, and hid hers entirely. So tho I knew that he put his hand up there, for the lift up of her clothes, and his position shewed that, I could not see more than to her knees, the table in front of her, tho a foot or so away from her, hid her middle. — But I saw that she put her legs apart to help, and soon after leaning more back on the sofa, pushed her bum forward, to facilitate his feeling whatever it might have been that he felt; and certainly it must either have been her bum or her cunt.
In doing this he leant forward, stooping for his feel up her, and tho he went on speaking, I then entirely lost all hearing, excepting of mere sound, for his face now was turned upwards towards hers, and the back of his head was towards me. Probably he may have dropped his voice, for we all I think do so when lust comes on us. A soft murmuring voice is the voice of love. A man doesn't bawl out that he wants a woman to let him fuck her. Then I could see that she lifted her clothes entirely up, and his head bending lower went out of sight, all being hidden by the table, but the bunch of her clothes, which shewed above the table. He unmistakably was looking at her cunt, or kissing it. Lick it, he scarcely could in that attitude, and they remained like that for a minute or two.
Then he resumed his seat, putting one arm round her, but keeping his right hand out of sight, and unmistakably (the table hid it) under her petticoats, and he went on explaining and lecturing. Then smiling, and relinquishing her waist, he opened his trowsers and pulled out his prick. That I could see as he sat. Then he said something which I could not catch, she turned to him, I saw her right hand lay hold of his prick, and she began frigging it clumsily. He pulled it then more out of his trowsers, and laughing said quite loudly, "No — so," and gave it himself a gentle frig or two. She took it in a pretty little hand again, and soon got it by a little frigging up to a fine erection. — Then they turned half towards each other, and they kissed, but the table now hid her hand and his machine, tho I knew she had it in her hand, and that his hand was on her cunt. I could see a little more of her legs sideways, but could hear nothing for a minute or two. They were in silent enjoyment of feeling each other's privates. Then they put arms round each other's necks, and cuddled. Oh how I envied him, and my prick stood stiff, but I resisted my desire to masturbate.
Then both got up. He stood with prick out stiff, and a fine one it was. She for a moment looking at it. Then both went out of sight alas, to a bed which I could not see, and there they fucked, for I could hear his murmurs of pleasure as he spent. But I could see nothing of their action, nor of her, or his subsequent ablution, tho I heard the splashing of water. — Both came into sight, and again sat on the sofa, and he felt her, and they talked long about consequences. — "Have no fear, my love, at a proper time I know what to do," said he. — "Oh, I'm so frightened — so miserable that I can't sleep," said she. — "Who's in that next room?" said he, all of a sudden. — "No one, I think, there was no one last night." — I kept as quiet as the grave. — "I'll look," — I heard her say, tho when she said it, I could see neither of them. I think she looked out of her bed-room door, for soon after she came into sight, and I knew she was in the room by herself from her manner. She sat down at the table, and buried her face in her hands long. Then she cried, and began writing a letter.
I was very tired and sleepy, for I had been travelling nearly all the night before, but the affair fascinated me. I could not keep my eyes off of her. I felt intense delight in knowing that the fair creature had been fucked, and that that pretty hand had before my eyes frigged a great cock up to a stiff stand. — My prick stood asking for a spend, but I resisted frigging. At last I grew so tired that I got down, and laying on my bed slept long. I got ready for the evening table d'hote. There I saw the lady sitting at table, with her swain not far off. He and her party were all travelling to-gether, there was a lot of them, and all Americans. She had two brothers I think, both mere boys, friendly with the man who had fucked their sister, and they I knew were ignorant of their sister's amorous games. Had I been her brother, I think it would have been different. But what vigilance can keep a willing cunt from an aggressive prick? All history, all experience, tells me that they will come together. — Vigilance grows weary of watching, and lulled into security, whilst lust is ever vigilant and ready to seize the slightest opportunity, is cunning in making them, and five minutes suffice for a randy prick to fill a cunt with sperm.
Expecting a nocturnal visit of the man, I kept awake — but nothing was to be seen. I saw the lady undress, and stand for a minute naked by the table, rubbing her breasts and body with her hands, before putting on her night-gown. I saw that she had not much hair on her motte, and that she was very thin, but she was very handsome faced. Next day at the same time, the man was with her. They evidently knew that I or some one was in my room, for they spoke in so low a tone that I could scarcely hear a word they said. They played with each other's genitals, more than the day before, but the table still hid their hands and their middles from me, till he pulled her on to his knee, and then I saw his prick out, and more of her legs, tho but for a minute or two only. They went soon out of my sight, I heard them fucking, and did not see him again.
After she had washed, she undressed and came in chemise only, straight to my door, and I imagine there was a glass there for she was evidently looking at her-self in one. — Such furniture arrangements in foreign hotels are common. Then she laid down on the sofa, leaning her head on one hand, whilst with the other she felt her cunt. The confounded table let me see her thighs as she lay, but just hid the hand which was on her cunt from me — she didn't frig herself. After a little time she laid quiet on her back and began to cry hard. I could hear her sobbing. Tired of looking, I got down. In a quarter of an hour afterwards, I saw her sitting up, still in her chemise and writing a letter seemingly, and so I left her and went out to see the town.
I saw the party at the dinner table, but was not near them. I never took my eyes off the couple, for to look at a woman whom I have secretly seen naked, or fucking, gives me the intensest pleasure; and still more so if I can speak with her. I feel almost a friendship for her and would do anything to please her. — After dinner, I tried to get into conversation with some of the party, so as to get to speak with her, but they were unsociable and I failed. At night, beyond seeing her again put on her night-gown, and her rump as her chemise dropped down, I had no treat, and next morning early, the party left the hotel. I came to the conclusion that the girl was in the family way.
Then I found my way without the aid of a guide to a brothel, where in all my life, I never saw such a selection of beautiful, healthy women. They were not like so many of the flabby breasted, highly got up, yet fucked-out looking women one sees at the houses of certain of the capitals of Europe; but resembled healthy lasses who had just come from the country. — But it was in a country where the women are very beautiful, and I was at a town where the poor women of easy virtue are not used and then abused, kicked, and hooted, and almost branded, but where they often marry and marry well. — A well known traveller is said to have got his wife from one of the houses at this town, and a charming wife and woman she has ever since been, I am told. After a midday meal, walking along in a by, but quite a good street, I heard the merry laugh of women just by my ear, for I was close to the wall in the shade, it being a hot day. Stopping, I could just distinguish female forms thro the close outer blinds, and looking up saw that all the blinds of the house were shut. Fancying it was a harem, I pushed the door, which opened, and I found myself in a fine hall, and mounted a staircase to a very handsome large saloon.
The Abbess of this open-thighed nunnery spoke bad French, but enough for me. Soon trooped in a dozen of the most beautiful women I think I ever saw together in a bagnio, or in any society. I have often been bewildered in my choice at a baudy house, and more so I think when the ladies were naked than when clothed. Here they were clothed, but it was of loose or open make. All were more or less decollete, their breasts were seen nearly to their nipples, in some the nipples shewed, in some I could see the enticing darkness of the hairy armpits. The majority had the most lovely, tho not flashy or stagey boots on, and the display of calves was fine. They did not all stand up, but most sat down, as if they had taken their places on chairs for the evening. One or two addressed me in a language I did not understand. I spoke then in a language which was replied to by one or two, and I talked compliments and nothings for delay, for I was confused by their loveliness, and a desire to fuck half a dozen of them at the same time.
At length, almost at hazard, and spite of my looking round till my eye balls seemed to ache, I patted a not very tall girl on her lovely shoulders, and left the room with her. She was an exquisite creature, with cheeks like a rose, tho her skin had a darker hue than our English women. She had eyes like a gazelle, and dazzling teeth. In our bed-room, in a second she sat on my knees, and I glued my lips to hers. On a gesture which she understood, she threw off all clothing but boots and stockings, and stood naked, a sight of glorious beauty. She was but eighteen years old. Tho my prick was stiff before I had got up stairs with her, I sufficiently restrained my self to look over, and feel her exquisite form. From neck to breasts, breasts to arm-pits, armpits to cunt, my fingers ranged, and my lips followed, feeling and kissing, kissing and feeling till I longed to lick her. Then after, opening her lovely cunt-lips, I went on to looking at her bum furrow — for all parts of the pretty creature it seemed, must be pretty to me. To my astonishment she moved herself from off the bed, and turning round with her bum towards me, and pulling the ivory cheeks asunder, so that I could see her anus, "I no hairs there," she said in broken Italian, which with German I found we could best communicate with each other in, tho she belonged to neither nation.
What her object was in informing me of the condition of that part — whether it was an invitation to it — whether its beauty caused it to be often investigated by friends, it never occurred to me to think about, until I began to write this narrative of my visit to the nunnery house, which I did next day. — But the instant she had spoken, so exquisite did her cunt with its crisp dark hair, and pouting lips, look between her buttocks furrow, and lovely thighs, that I inserted my prick, and almost instantly spent the semen in her, which had been boiling in my ballocks, since the time I saw the couple in the bed-room at the hotel: for I did not frig myself there, restraining myself with much difficulty from doing so.
The nymph stood quite still, with my prick in her, satisfied to let it rest there and soak. It showed no signs of shrinking, whilst I stood feeling her marbly buttocks, putting my hand round to feel her clitoris, feeling her breasts and armpits — revelling in her beauty. — Then her cunt clipped it. It was an invitation to go on fucking. But I now wanted her sweet face, her lovely lips towards me. Pulling my prick out of her lubricated cunt, "Get on the bed and lie down, cara mia," I said.
Without reply, and putting her fingers on her cunt, to prevent spilling my spunk out of it, on she got, and smiling, asked for a towel. I gave it her, and she dried her fingers with it. For an instant only, I saw between her wide apart thighs, the red slash, covered with the pearly essence of my testicles, and then plunged my wet prick up it again. She met me with ardour in a fuck worth two of the first in duration, baudy thoughts, and voluptuous enjoyment of her spunk filled genital. It ended in her spending when I did, and our mouths overflowing into each other, as the juices of both cunt and prick mingled in her.
Then all is told, excepting that I stopped hours with her, conversing in polyglot, but mainly kissing and feeling her, in delicious, thoughtful, baudy half silence, during the hot afternoon.
The next day I had her again, and thought I should never care about another woman. The day after that, I could not go to the house, but the following evening did. She was engaged I found for the night by a gentle-man. Disappointed, I yet saw some of the other ladies. Tho some were then fucking in their chambers, I got one taller, but in every other respect, as beautiful and perfect, as the one I had had. The charm was now broken. I had her again once, but my love of change, the desire to see and know what other women were like, was too much for me. I stayed a fortnight at the town, and had fucked half a dozen of the women before I left.
I kept to my bed-room, hoping to see some other sights there, but to my annoyance, two officers took possession of it, and walked about as it seemed to me both night and day, with boots and spurs on. There were military doings in the town. They smoked also incessantly, and had a party one night, on which occasion I don't think they went to bed. Being much annoyed by their noise, I asked for another room, tho for many reasons I liked the one I was in. — The manager told me the officers would leave the next day: which they did.
But the same night, two other men connected with the army, tho apparently not soldiers, were put there. They were quiet, and at night hearing them preparing to go to bed, I had the curiosity to get up and peep. To my astonishment one was naked, and the other, in his shirt, was. looking attentively at the naked one's stiff prick, and feeling it. What he was doing it for I can't say, for he soon relinquished it, their light was put out, and both almost immediately snored. Who were they --was one a Doctor, but why a stiff prick? All was so solemn and business like, so unlike erotic amusement, that to this day I can't make the affair out. The day after, I left * ** ** and went on travelling, but returned to England soon. I had no intrigue on hand, tho I had thought when free that I should soon have one. I had not a servant even to meet. Those nice, little, randy-arsed, well-fed devils, who can only get fucked now and then on the sly, and of whom I have enjoyed dozens in my time, and hope to enjoy as many again. As it was, the mercenary frail ones, of the highest and most expensive class, absorbed my manhood, and my pocket. Cunt, silk stocking, diaphanous chemises, laced night-gown, and jewels, are costly. Then I found one I liked much, and tho I did not keep to her, for I never can to one woman alone, I frequented her for a couple years. Other adventures occurred between my visits to her, but I have collected all about her into a consecutive narrative, and also all relating to an intrigue with a French lady of a very curious kind, which began at Paris at about the same date.