The Sex Diary of a
Vol. 8 Chapter IV
I must have been, indeed was, in an almost wild state of mind that night. When I got clear of the street, I saw some gay women, chaffed, and asked them how their arseholes were. My mind ran on a muddy night — lifted her petticoats and showed nice legs — I went home with her, and turning her bum towards me, looked at her arsehole and asked if she'd been buggered. She was angry. Then I found I had not money enough to pay her, and we had a row. — I went to one of my clubs, borrowed, went home with another woman, pulled her about, looked at her sphincter, and asked if she'd been buggered. — "No." I offered three pounds to her to let me. I might try, but she thought it impossible. Her bum was towards me, her hole very brown — and the mere fact of her permitting it so disgusted me that I paid the price of a fuck and left her directly — I went home yet with another woman, whom I fucked dog fashion, pulling open her buttocks and looking at her bumhole as well as I could, whilst shoving up her. Then I went to my own home, thinking of buggery, and wondering what the sensation was like — for I had no defined notion of it left, such was the state of mad excitement in which I had performed the act. Then I fell asleep.
The next night I saw Sarah in the streets and avoided her, and for a week or so. Then I met her and took her to * * * * St. for amusement — I never mentioned him, and told her not to do so. At a second meeting the same. But she, — "Aren't you going to see * * *? He's every day with me bothering, asking what he is to do, what he's done to offend you. He cries about you al-most."
I said that I never meant to see him again, and was sick, sorry, and sad about the affair. — So she told him, I believe, that I had gone abroad. From that day to this I have never set eyes on him, and avoided enquiring about him till once long after. Then Sarah told me that after having spent all his money and pawned his clothes, he had gone to work at painting again.
I cannot describe the effect these frolics had on me. Spite of myself I could think of nothing else. — This is the more remarkable because until the few last years I could not bear the look of an anus, and when I fucked dog fashion, I rarely looked at the lady's bum hole. — Now all was anus — anus — nothing but anus. The incidents flashed across my mind repeatedly, and altho the recollection of the thing sickened and even revolted me — altho I felt disgusted with myself — still I desired to try again, to know what the pleasure was — for of that I seemed to know nothing — had not the slightest idea — all was blank.
One night I took woman after woman to a house — and after looking at their cunts, suggested that the other entrance would suit me better. I was unsuccessful at first, and felt abashed, yet persisted. — At length I had a tall dark French woman, and began by fucking her dog fashion — then pulled apart her bum cheeks, and said I should like to put into her bum hole. — "You must give me another sovereign then," said she quickly. — Out came my prick. "Wait a minute," said she. Going to a closet and returning with cold cream, she began to anoint my prick with it, and then anointed her own bum hole — turned round — and the next minute guided my prick there herself.
I refused, left directly, and took a disgust at her; but thought I had had an instructive two sovereigns' worth.
Next night an English woman consented freely, and instantly I paid her and left, my curiosity satisfied. My fancy then turned to Sarah. I thought of our conversations, of the attempt with our fingers, and soon took to fucking her with her backside towards me, and looking at the round orifice when doing so. At length I made the proposal to her, and she said she'd see me in hell first.
The conversation then had a bumhole ramming tendency — I told her what I had tried with the Devon-shire woman in my extreme youth, but never about the man. We sat and talked, then lay down and talked about it, till she — "I have a good mind to try." "Do, and if it hurts I'll never do it again." "Did it seem to hurt the woman you did it to?" I told her I could not tell, that it seemed like a dream years, years before. "Try it — I want to try with you whom I know, and if we don't like it, we won't repeat it, I half wish to know what it is like," said she.
She came and leant over the side of the bed. I think I see her now — with her bum projecting, the dark haired, full lipped cunt pushing out between her thighs. She was tall, her bum exactly at a level for the work, everything was convenient. "Now if it hurts, promise not to go on." She straddled her legs apart conveniently. With one hand holding open the bum cheeks to see, and with my heart beating, I guided my prick. It began to droop and as fast as I write this, it shrivelled up.
I frigged it stiff, again and again — but the instant the tip touched the brown hole, it shrank. I thrust it up her cunt till almost ready to spend, then pulled it out, and again tried. Down it drooped. Then she sucked it stiff, and again presenting her mark, I again essayed. It was equally useless. All but finishing a fuck in her cunt, to stiffen it for a last trial, I pulled it out and pushed towards the brown circle, when my discredit-able prick spent over her rump, and I was unable again to stiffen it, altho I tried my fingers, her fingers, her cunt, and her lips.
I had promised her five pounds if I effected the delicate entry, and she thought I ought to pay it. I did not, and paid fucking price for I had now made up my mind to do it, and when I make up my mind to a thing, like it to come off. — "I have had a stiff prick from merely thinking about your bum hole, and now I fail. When can I try again? — I don't think my prick likes the color." Next night I went to the spot she usually was to be found at * * * * and off to the A* *a we went. My pego almost lifted me off the ground — I had a pot of cold cream. Hastily we undressed, and turning her buttocks towards me I greased her hole. Then she funked it, and turned round. She had been thinking it over and would rather not, altho wishing to try the sensation, she said.
Refusing her invitation to fuck, or be sucked, I but-toned up in a temper to go away. — "The other night I seemed to wish it, but now I fear it, but come and try — give me your word that if I cry out, you will pull it out."
I got a stiff stander of the first order, a little more cream on her hole, a little on my piercer. I gave a push and entered. — "Oho — I can't bear it — take it out — take it out." I drove it up to its limits, pushing her close to the bed — grasping her like a vice — and fucking violently, spent — I had barely done so, when her sphincter tightened round my knob, hurting and ejecting it. She staggered to a sofa and laid down. I threw myself on the bed exhausted with excitement, for again I felt almost mad.
Said Sarah, "Well — I have not a hole left now that a prick can get up that has not been spent in. I would not have believed it but I've done it at last." She washed her anus, I my tool, then we sat and talked.
She said the first sensation was painful, and after that it was a strange sensation, half pain half pleasure. As before — I knew I had been up it and spent, but as to comparing the sensations of the two orifices I could not. — I couldn't realize how I had done it — and didn't recollect any sensation at all. I felt again surprised and shocked with myself, and that's all. This of course was foolish, but my narrative is true.
I took a dislike to Sarah for permitting it and for a time avoided her. When we next met, she told me she was all right. "There is nothing in it after all — I've heard several women say so, you may do it again if you wish, I'd like to try again now without fear." But I didn't wish, I had had enough of the fantasy.
Indeed I liked to think of what I'd done less and less
— felt angry with myself. — Spite of my philosophy my act revolted me. But Sarah often referred to it, at first hinted that she'd like to try again, then openly asked me to do it, and was surprised that I refused. "Ask Mr. F**z*r," said I — meaning her husband. "No, I'll never be a whore to him," she replied (singular life, and notions.)
Sarah now with me never disguised her wants, her lusts, or sensations. — Perhaps the feeling that she need not sham and lie to me was a luxury to her. "You had better not have me tonight." Or — "I don't want it to-night." Or "I'm just ready to spend, for I've not had a bit of cock I liked for three days, and Mr. F's away" — were phrases, or like those which I often heard. She didn't hesitate to say she should like to be bum-fucked again. "Just to try if there is any real pleasure in it. — I wonder you don't, as you say you don't even recollect any pleasure in spending." But I wouldn't, and never did try.
About three weeks afterwards I went to her lodgings.
— She had been out that evening before I called. She said, "I wanted both a man and money, I'm randy be damned to night, and have not fucked for three days
— give it me, old man" — and she pulled my prick out of my trowsers. — She had been drinking. I had taken wine with me to her, and when she had drunk two or three glasses, she began talking about her bum hole. "Come, don't be stupid, put it in there, it's my birth-day — Mary * * * * told me that her man often does to her, and both like it. Do it, bugger me and I'll frig my-self when you're in." — So she talked and incited me again to open her rectum. I refused resolutely, and didn't like her persistence.
I fucked her soon afterwards. — She sucked my prick as I laid on the bed. She put her finger up my rectum whilst sucking. Immediately after, she threw herself on the bed by the side of me and frigged her-self. "I'm damned randy to night," said she. I raised myself and looked at her whilst she was masturbating, and thrust my finger up her cunt to please her more. In the middle of these operations, she stopped, went to a closet, and got out a wax candle. "If you won't bugger me, push this up," said she — threw herself on the bed, and again began masturbating. — Smitten with the novelty, I did as she asked; pushed it about five inches up, and watched her whilst with distended, quivering limbs and sighs she finished her pleasure, the candle up her arsehole.
"If there's a woman who knows more, or has done more than I have, I am damned," said she, "and you — you — of all the baudy beggars in London, I think you are the baudiest." — She did not mind what she now said or did with me.
Thinking of her expressed wishes, and the times when the young man and I used to be laying naked by the side of her, I regretted that we could not give her the double poking simultaneously in her arsehole and cunt, which perhaps we might have accomplished. I never had that delight. — She said she would try to find some one we could all trust, to try it together, but she did not.
Soon after I saw but little of her, yet for a time only fucked her. She began again to incite me in the other direction. "Put your thumb up a bit, Doctor, I want to spend, and that fetches me," I did it perhaps once or twice or so, whilst she frigged herself, but disliked it, tho I did it to please her.
Whilst I absented my self from Sarah, and tried to forget my frolics with the man, I was at about ten o'clock one clear, very cold, frosty morning at the terminus of the G.W. Railway and going to visit a friend at S***d*n. — The train was just ready to start, when a lady in a splendid sealskin and other furs, whom I had but slightly noticed as I walked up and down the platform, met me full face, gave a slight smile, and stopped. — "Don't you know me?" "Why it's Fanny G***d*n. — and I recognized an old Paphian acquaintance, whose lovely body I had lain in several times, and whom I last saw at the ball given at G***t P***l**d St, on the night when I went home with Lizzie M***d*n to B**t*n S***e, and when captain Blank tailed her in the dark on the bed, with me and Nellie***** in the room.
"Going to * * * * *?" "Yes." "So am I." — She had a seat in a carriage where there was no one else. — "Let's ride together." "Very well, but no nonsense mind." I called the guard, who was hustling the people into the carriages, and got my rug out of my compartment into hers. "Keep this compartment for me and I'll give you five shillings." "Will if I can, Sir." — The next minute, Fanny and I were alone in the carriage of an express train known (then) for its rapidity, and which would not stop for nearly an hour.
The instant the train had well started, Fanny and I were kissing. — "Why, it's years nearly since we slept together." — Pleasant talk of about that period we began. Where was Polly * * * * and Mary * * * *? Jane so and so was dead, and so on. Fanny herself was now Mrs. * * * * *, had left off gay life three years — they thought she was married to * * * * * — he had taken her as his wife to his mother and sister, and she believed would really marry her. She was true to him. He a good fellow, and with plenty of money since his brother's death. — "Now leave off." "You can't look me in the face and swear that no other man than he has had you for three years?" "That I can" — looking at me as she said it. "You fib," said I kissing her. She returned the kiss — "I always liked you, how strange we should meet here," said she.
Fanny was sumptuously dressed and looked thoroughly respectable and rich. She had got stouter. "Yes, nearly a stone heavier." "Let me feel." "No — now — no nonsense — talk as much as you like." "Well! let me feel outside" — and I began by pinching and prodding her in all directions. Then I put one hand thro the seal-skin jacket. "Your breasts are twice as large, and I expect hang a wee bit." "No, that they don't" — was the angry reply. — Then I kissed Fanny again, and all this hadn't, I'm sure, occupied five minutes, for the reminiscence had warmed both me and her. The first kiss made my gland tingle, and now I had an erection of the first order. Then as I kissed, I thrust my tongue against her lips. — "My God, how I want you. I wish I hadn't got into the carriage with you, for I shall have to frig myself." "Oh you beast," said Fanny laughing. "You always were such a talker." We talked on with our faces close together. — How delighted she got, at what I recalled of our free loves and free lovers. As I kissed her now, she threw one arm round my neck. "Ah! what larks those were," said she.
A very few minutes more talk, and I suggested poking. — "No." She was indignant at the proposal, she had vowed to be true and meant it. Every fellow she met who had once known her seemed now to want her more than ever. We went on talking and kissing, our legs were close together under my rug, warm thighs were against warm thighs. — "Oh! you naughty woman, you unkind creature, I must take my thighs away from yours, it makes me think of the time when I lay naked between them." — She laughed. My lewedness was affecting her voluptuously. Frost now covered the carriage windows, so that we couldn't see out of them. I pushed my hand up her clothes and got it on to her knee, spite of her. She had drawers on, and I couldn't feel her flesh.
"Why have you drawers on, I never knew you to wear them before?" — "To keep my legs warm, of course." "To keep hands from your cunt, Fanny." — She laughed, I still tried on feeling. — "Now don't — I won't let you." — But something in her manner told me I had made her lewed, she was so soft in her voice — I well nigh bursting, and wildly erotic, pushed away the rug, pulled open my travelling cloak, and rapidly out came my prick in magnificient erection, red tipped and throbbing. — "If you won't let me, Fanny, I'll frig myself, I can bear it no longer — I must spend — let me put one hand on your cunt whilst I do it, and fancy I'm again up the lovely warm slit." I began the friction with my hand, tho I really didn't mean doing it; but can't say how I might have finished had she been obdurate.
More than once, the threat of frigging myself, coupled with the exhibition of my machine in enticing order, has made a woman yield to me. — Women know well the delight which the gristly, horny rammer gives them, of the soothing pleasure when it sheds its balmy mucilage in their cunts. They cannot bear to see the soft, pearly, viscous fluid split on the ground, when nature is saying to them warmly. "The proper place for that is between your thighs." It was so with Fanny. — The sight of it thrilled her, the movement of my hand up and down the stem annoyed her. Hurriedly and angrily even, she pulled my hand away from it. — "Don't be a beast, Walter (she'd not forgotten my name), how can I? — I don't like risking it — I'm very happy with * * * *, — suppose he found it out. — Now leave off — you'll get a woman easily at * * * * — leave off."
"Let me only feel you." "No." But with a slight struggle in a minute my fingers were well between the lips of a soft, satiny, fat-feeling, very moist division between her thighs; the palm rubbed in a strong crisp bush. My finger settled on her clitoris and rubbed it gently, our mouths met, kissing and moistening each other. She laid hold of my prick with her gloved hand, and it throbbed violently at the soft touch, and a delicious silence ensued, whilst our tongues played with each other. Then rapidly I threw myself on my knees. Lust had overcome her and she yielded — I threw up her petticoats, saw her handsome legs and large thighs, covered tho with the drawers all but a little bit high up, where they were naked, and the creamy flesh on either side shewed — mere creamy lines, between which peeped the dark brown thicket. The smell of the female came overpoweringly up my nostrils, whilst I kissed, and kissed, and tickled the red button at the top of the delicious aperture, which my tongue could scarcely reach from that posture. Yet it was enough. — "Oho — aha — I shall spend if you do that." My God! The ineffable delight of that minute or two, whilst my hand sought with difficulty every part of her nudity, whilst my tongue tasted the sexual salinity, and my nostrils revelled in cuntal aroma!
"Ar-ha! ar-ha! leave off now — do it properly then." She sobbed out. — Up I arose. "Take off your bonnet, love." — It was quickly done. — "Now your cushion." In a minute all six seat cushions were on the floor, two were soon covered by my travelling cloak and her sealskin, in a second her head was on that, her lovely form on the other cushions. — On her back, her thighs opened wide invitingly, for her red center cleft was now yearning, her feet disappeared under the seats. What a lovely form it was, tho so much covered! How beautifully shaped her legs looked in thick, double woven, red silk stockings, and white drawers above. But they alas hid her complete beauties — I quickly pulled them aside, and then the large ivory buttocks partly shewed. The hairy gates of her elysium opened, I saw the road. How close it looked low down by the furrow, which the lovely buttocks formed behind it. "Come on, fuck me," said Fanny — now with reckless lust, and just as the train entered a tunnel with a crash, her belly and mine met, our bodies were one, our tongues joined, and as the train emerged into light, an ecstatic gush of sperm filled her cunt to overflowing, and we lay revelling in our conjunction — till she — "Lend me your handkerchief if you can get at it, it will make me so uncomfortable if it gets on my drawers." — I rose up, for a moment looked at the lubricious rivulet which began to flow, then wiped the channel myself. She sat up smiling. Throwing our wrappers over us and replacing two of the cushions, we began to converse. — "It was lovely, I haven't poked for a week." "Nor I for ten days, for Harry's been away hunting." "No wonder your cunt was full."
"Ah!" said Fanny, "I've broken my vow, you've made me do what a dozen have tried and couldn't. You're a dangerous devil. — The baudiest devil — I never heard such a lewed tongue."
Then she got up, and for a few minutes we talked, putting our furs and our coats over us, for it was cold. — "Leave the cushions there, we'll do it again presently." Fanny only laughed. We again talked on of past times and kissed. Soon — her glove off now — she handled my prick. I felt her adhesive division. "Now, is not a change nice, Fanny." "Yes, but I didn't mean to let you, I swear I didn't." In a quarter of an hour we enjoyed each other again on those cushions, and again my pocket handkerchief was put into requisition. — For all that, a bed is pleasanter than a shaking, jostling, oscillating railway carriage, going forty-five miles an hour.
The train stopped at my destination. Lowering the carriage window, I saw my luggage being put out. "You get out here," said she. Turning round at her, she looked so lovely that I closed the window. — "No. I'll go on with you." "Don't be foolish." — But I had a hotter fit of lust on me than I'd had for a long time. — I'd been without a poke for a few days, and all the lust of my youth, and all its recklessness, seemed on me, as I looked at the lovely face of this woman, whom I had twice fucked within the hour — I felt desire to have her again, had some vague notion that if I could alight with her, I could get her to some house and see all the naked beauties of her body, for she had filled out to the voluptuous complete form, which a well fed, well fucked woman of eight and twenty or thirty does: yet I had only felt all this — could see but little of it, so muffled up was she in winter clothing. "I'll fuck you again before we part." And when saying that, the train rolled on.
Now the train stopped more frequently and we needed caution, for some one might get in, spite of the guard who had shown himself at the station when I dropped the window. "It's no good your getting out with me and I hope you won't. Mother will be there, and I don't want her to see me with you; promise you won't speak to me on the platform, or I won't let you again." — She was going to see her parents. Her lover had gone to the country in hopes of open weather for hunting. Seeing that I could not get her in the way I wanted, nor at all unless I promised — for two fucks had cooled her quim a bit — I promised.
I could not manage to fuck her now, tho we sat kissing, feeling, and stimulating each other till we were within about an hour of the station at which she would alight. — "Damned if I can. — Turn round and show me your lovely bum." "I shan't." Then I felt again all about her bum and thighs, then with much trouble got a bit of her dress undone, so that I could half feel her bosom. But this was cold work and all in vain. — My prick was thick and full, but not stiff. — Then I told her of my gambols with the lady coming home from Aldershot, and at length she knelt down on the cushions, my cloak and hers together making a pillow for her head — I pulled aside the drawers, saw a superb bum, and the dark haired pouters dividing it, kissed it all over, pressed my prick between the lips in a half limp state, and it stiffened directly the red tip felt the presence of the red mouth, and with throbs swelled to full size. I banged it up against her womb and began fucking. Her vagina was deliciously lubricious, smooth, soft, yet clinging to my glans as a randy cunt does when the male sperm lays in it. And after a delicious long exercise, resting and recommencing at intervals, till at last with quick thrusts and wriggles I spent, whilst her cunt tightened and spent with me.
We reached * * * * and both got out — I saw her leave with a common looking old woman, paid my extra fare, took a return ticket to S***d*n, and in an hour was on my road there. — It was a most delicious three hours I had spent with her, three hours of pure love, for it was in no way mercenary. — What a treat for us both. She said so as she gave me a parting kiss, and outside my trowsers squeezed my ballocks in a gentle lewed way, and added, "You're the loveliest fucker, don't tell any-one."
Fanny G***d*n was a lovely, hazel eyed, dark haired, and darkish skinned creature. She had one of those lovely heads of hair, thro which you can see clear to the roots, and the flesh. Each hair grew to full length, without any of those short straggling finer hairs, which in some women seem to hinder the growth of the stronger and make the hair look ragged. She was a voluptuous creature when I first had her, and of fine form. Her form now seemed perfect, tho I could see but little of it — I have never met her since, nor sought to do so. — Such meetings are delicious, and might not be so if repeated often with the same woman.